I'm impossible to pick out of a crowd

and you placed me on that shelf up there

the one that's reached by no one

and I stayed there and collected dust

unaware that life begun

the importance of being dishonest

"Don't be everything they

expect you to be"

you said and stopped for a while

"if you maintain a surface you can't fill with yourself

you will never stop faking your smile"

I breathe contaminated air

Say little girl, are you happy? do you feel what you project?
you are lovely and you're lonely and you smile and you are pure but I know that you are hiding, just trust me I am sure. I knew a girl like you once, it was long ago of course, she was always very friendly, always did as she was told, and even though they loved her, she knew it, as she said, she was trying until her heart broke, she was dying in the end.

Say little girl, are you lonesome? Do you understand why you are here?
you are sweet and you are caring and you're nothing but sincere. Listen, when they made you, when you were small and you were three, you didn't have the visions, the aspiration to be free. You see little girl, you are younger than you think, than you want and than you act like now, I see you as you mess it up and you stretch what they allow.

Say little girl, are you different? Are you whole behind those eyes?
you are thinking, I can tell, and you're listening as well but if you really understand you wouldn't really be here, you wouldn't have to hear this and you wouldn't keep me near. You would have torn, you would have beat, you would have crushed yourself against it, the wall I raised to stop you, you would have screamed and raved and spit. I sent a life to steal you, do you see that little one?, but you're beauty and you're smiling and you're in one piece which means that you never tried escaping, you never tried to leave.

Say little girl, are you crying? are you finally shedding those tears?
you are frightened, I assure you, and you're letting it in, don't make me push you harder, I don't really want to see you win. See, I knew that little girl, how she felt and what she wanted, I knew about her options, about being unloved, unseen and haunted. If she never left, never kicked it never ever got away, you don't stand a chance sweet one, you will always, and forever stay.

running away from my shadow

I don't care if you don't listen

I don't care if you don't cure

but don't you dare pretend its nothing

and don't ever say that I'm pure
*

there are days when I am human

when I collect and I repent

and there are days when I am broken

when I can't ignore my own content

*
I find myself igniting

feelings too big to fit my frame

and everytime they start reacting

it blisters, it burns off my shame

*

and it happens that I wonder

will I ever be able to explain?

will I ever be able to reach you

can I ever fight your disdain?

*
I am sure that you remember

all the trouble I caused on the way

all I can say is I'm sorry

and please hold me when I sway

if you stumble when you fall you are no longer graceful

the attention isn't needed
she reminds you as she passes you up
and when she spins you recollect it
repossess it
but whenever you look away she cries

and when you finally see
the picture she gives you
the fragile composure she calls by her name
all you can do is play by her tune
or you know that she will let herself go

she remembers you looking through windows of steel
of you breaking bones with
some words and some tearing
but she can no longer fight as if present was past
and whenever you say, she will leave

endangered

Listen

I was different yesterday

I understood that by

not living today

and

since I was there not long ago

the cuts still bleed

when I scratch them

yeah,

I strived for something

ordinary

wanted something

perfect

and yet

won something

extraordinary

and still remained

imperfect

you see,

I was far from whole

of course
I was nothing more than

this wreck inside but

I just realized that

the memories I made

can't even spell my name right.

that was the first time I cried since

the last

we are more honest when we lie

Honey, I don't envy you even though I fear that I will always be the weaker one; it's not a secret that you own what I

am

and what I

was

and I find the time to grieve instead of wishing for your touch

to be softer than my thoughts

(every time I open my mind something sharp ends up closing in)

when capturing my disappointments and

shaking

me by

feeding them

you coldly press your shoulders into ribs made to break

*

I shiver when you're close knowing that you don't feel and I

bend

when you

blow

since I wonder where the air comes from

(is it stolen from me or those people you couldn't find the courage to love?)
*

and Sweetie I know that you will never be the coragous one; in times of
trials
and

mortality
you creep behind ladders and hide under corners in hopes of imitating my undeniable invisibility

*

I remember, even though I'll never admit it, those times when I begged for some comfort some stability some

hardcore protection

when you held me uncomfortably you spun me unstable and did all you could to feed my

demons

muffeled my pleas with hands stronger than frailty

*

oh no, Darling you are

cursed

when you curse me

you are

fear

when you scare

and don't pretend that you are nothing but loathing

*

I wish I was stronger and able to crush but instead I pray to your stature

- I supplicate, plead, implore -

let me in let me feel let me heal, stay,

be

please release your grip since you know that I can't

leave

you have me in

chains

so just stop holding on and give me a much needed chance to

catch

my

breath