reflections are superfluous

Stop dead in your tracks

don't take me for granted,

I know that I have figured you out

not too frigid in myself to sence that

the coldness you convey is all a facade

a montage of the years you

breathed without living

- lived without breathing -

simply moved between moments

until your presence was enough

yes, I cracked that frontage

- why did it take me so long? -

there are no longer dreams or ambitions

you are empty, so lifeless,

filled with nothing of your own

not merely blank but

solid in yourself

without tears behind your sorrow

crying laughter as you leave

where did you lose you?

I will never know

and when you walk by my side

closing in on my presence

perplexed by stepping in front of yourself

your hollowness chokes my

emotions to death

we might never notice or fear it or care

but tomorrow we will both be

shadowless

locked up and ready for battle

Frail?
you know, it is not up to them; so close the doors
lock them tight now
just deal with the fear, let your pain seep through it all

but don't forget:
hide it before they notice

Fragile?

listen to me, don't let them see it, they don't want to hear

cover their ears

as you rip and as you tear and as you cut yourself apart

but above all listen to this:
they can't stop you unknowing

Fake?

you're stuck and you can't run away, truth is

the train left at twelve

so you vanish into what? into nothing as you fall
trust me when I say:

surrender is easier when you are on your own

talking myself into it

because no one cares about what is already tarnished

leave it to yesterday

to mend what started out as unbroken

don't let tomorrow

be a part of today

they are all ensanguined

we are all different

they say

as they pass their misused mirrors

as they fold their imbrued hands

in this creation, this mutation

misconceptionally called

a fair civilization

we are all equal

they say as they place

the pieces of us broken

in tendentious corners

in different colored boxes

in jars labeled "exceptions"

we are all enemies

they say

or we see it in their eyes

fold at predestined lines

and take it as they hit

we stumble

as they force
we kneel

as they push

and we will never be the same
after meeting ourselves
in the reflection
they call
truthfully
honestly
unfortunately

you

ominous signs under ill-boding skies

all I ask for is a little reprieve

don't let me break before dawn

Ursäkta, I'm sorry, förlåt

I don't think you know

how much

I regret

meeting you

seeing you

for the first

time

the only

moment

that sealed

it all

a deal

I can't run away from

and I swim in

acid to

waste away

from

your reality

so you can

continue without

me

my memories

which only

distract

I beg for your shoes

or bare feet

if you will

to step all over

what I have

become

to crush

and stop

me from

us

I am not a part

of it

anymore

in a group of two you are

them both

and I am the

cloud in the

lower left

corner

the wonders we

created

are left

up to you

maintain them

before

I

they

we

suffocate

until we all realize

what I saw long ago

I do not belong

a lesson in Swedish(ness)

I will be completely honest with you
and tell you some of the truth
about what I am and have been going through
most of the years of my youth

My days are always very long
and pass in dazing slow motion
there is this feeling that I don't belong
and an urge to kill that emotion

And at night, when hidden of course
during the time when no one sees
I break my skin with insistent force
attempting to put my mind at ease

When I finally bleed from severed wrists
and the tension slowly subsides
when life as I know it again persists
the fatal thought reluctantly complies

I carefully put down the blade
that scared most of my fears away
not worried by the wounds it made
but by the thought of living another day

And yes, sometimes I do wish for
a solution that isn't temporary
I wonder if I ever will demand more
than a break from the ordinary

but right now the weeks go by
and they slowly add up to years
all I do is hold on to that good bye
until I can drown myself in my tears

imminent danger without evident force

moments attack

yes

they suddenly

sneak up behind your back

(climb up your spine as I see them)

and you feel them

pass without a sound

but still alarmingly loud

(and you scream as I cover my ears)

to forget

you always forget

we were so close yesterday

didn't you

couldn't you

wouldn't you see it?

(maybe it was your turn to cover up?)

and close to my breaking point

that extra special

god damn point

(note taken)

where your intentions

widely spread

much like my legs

when not entwined

(it could have been erotic if we were alive)

what do we make of this

falling sensation?

this hybrid

tension

in the creation they call

wonderful,

blissful,

remarkable,

(bulletproof)

beautiful,

life

as we live it

(as we die it)

as we feel it

slip away

insight

it's the beauty in life

that makes you wonder

it makes you ask

unwilling to grasp it

understand

that makes you

shut your eyes

at least

question

(why not

poke them out when you

are at it?)

that

makes you turn away

refusing to believe

that it will be there

when you turn back

360 degrees

and

not a sound

or a voice

not a whisper

that can stand

your presence

the essence

we all waste away

under skin

made

out of steel

- satin would rip -

and the spark

that was there

no longer

hurt

when you touch it

when you crave

the pain it delivered

long ago

that

beauty in life

makes it so much harder

when you see

there is nothing you can do

to measure up

measure it

and

until the opposite is proven

I will not change my mind

we are all

failures

on the inside

six feet under

and still only scratching the surface

I will wait until you fade

why aren't you where you belong?

stay upright

Don't let your pride overtake

overrule

it's tempting

(you're perfect

we all know)

when you actually belong

but let me tell you

when you falter

when you fail

the fall will not just hurt

it will destroy