not overly focused

She hates it when
she's getting up
not knowing if she ever
never will
and she curses when she can ('t)
because screaming takes
some effort

not wanting all
her words to find enough
support

(swallowed they stop making sense)

Tired of (not?) pretending
confusion seeping through
she smiles through the moments
treats her pain with
-hard to swallow-
laughter and a side effect of
emptitude

And she is sick of committing to
all the wonderful hypocrisy
of always fitting molds
and moving when she walks
of masking who she is
and throwing out what she's not

she can't stand your smile
or the way you disapprove
she fears that she'll snap
and that she might step all over you

(She would have done it already if you felt it)
behind all the walls
and all the words of definitions
pages of instructions

(CAPS LOCKED to make sure you

overlook)

too blurry to uncover
when you can't even see what's
mass constructed

so she prepares for the day
when she is no longer needed
since you never read her manual:
section two tells you
her secrets
she never will.